Dear upstairs

This could be the second time i write to YOU, if u have seen the previous post i have posted up months ago, which is the first one.
Well, I would begin with not everything goes well these days, appreciate for some of the well ones though. I never regret for writing the first one, as u might have started something which i have requested. I should be thankful?? Well u see things like few nights i spent with loneliness and get screwed up, driving on the quiet street and waiting for the green light turns red again, and again.. do u think i still have to be thankful? I even think of getting myself some beer and cigarettes just to get rid of my stupid thoughts. It is like a 'tick' for finishing your task, or maybe u haven't done yet, u might still wondering what else should be took away.
Ohya i should 'thank' for giving me a larger-sized-tyre cause i am destined to stay back, to get to fill up my partially loaded stomach with more apai. I would not deny i'm growing outwards instead of upwards. Ohh and do u still remember those days i named me 'lengzaiming'? hmm.. let's have a cuter one - duabuiming!
Next, i would like to apologise. So many times. I am sorry for being selfish, i am sorry for keeping myself isolated, i am sorry for doing too many silly acts, i am sorry for being irresponsible, i am sorry for being impatient, i am sorry for being rude, i am sorry for giving wrong assumptions on many of others, i am sorry for letting people worry about me, i am sorry for u, you and YOU.
Yet i still prefer not making any changes. I am what you have mentioned. I am that kind of person u always thought i am. I am... mingming

Friendship could be nice, if u could find fellows who have same perception as u.
Relationship could be maintained, if u could find a partner who is having the same perception as u.
What if u can't?
It is either u learn to change your perceptive and stick on the perception of a particular person. U could be that person's best friend.
OR
Learn to be alone, learn to conquer loneliness, learn not to blame others for dumping u, forget about u, misunderstand u, learn the best way to go through the hard times by not making any stupid insane mistakes.
or else u would be teared into Pieces.

i nearly broke into pieces,but somebody already had.I'm sorry, soso sorry.
thank you for not forgiving.